Recipe of the Week: Manhattan
Ingredients:
- Bourbon
- Sweet vermouth
- Dry vermouth (optional)
- Bitters
- Maraschino cherries
Method & Analysis:
Let’s get the obvious out of the way, right off the bat: Do Not Have a Manhattan For Lunch! Frankly, it’s not wise to have a Manhattan with lunch, because after you’ve had a Manhattan in the early afternoon, the rest of your day can only go one of two ways. You can either take a nice long nap immediately after, or you can power through and pass out before dinner; if you play your cards right and have just a little bit of luck on your side, you will be able to do this passing out in the comfort and privacy of your own home instead of in police custody. In any event, you’ll miss the games, and no one wants that (except Bears fans).
This week’s recipe is a Manhattan not because I am seriously suggesting you have one for lunch. Once again, my actual responsibilities have sucked up all my free time, leaving me bereft of the time I need to explain anything related to actual cooking. Also, Manhattans are the perfect fall cocktail and just pretty damn tasty any time of year. They are also super simple to whip together at home, without any sort of mixology training or other applied cocktail knowledge, provided you possess Knowledge of The Secret of A Good Manhattan. Since I do have time to share this Knowledge, I’m gonna do that instead for now and get back to the greasy stuff next week. Fair deal? Too bad, it’s the one you’re getting!
What is The Secret of a Good Manhattan (hereafter referred to as simply The Secret)? The Secret is that the vermouth, not the bourbon, is the star of the show. A good Manhattan features bourbon and actually nice vermouth in a 3:2 ratio; no more, no less. It’s easy, convenient, and mostly fair to consider the Manhattan to be the bourbon-based equivalent of a martini, but in my Manhattan-making infancy, I took this comparison literally. A good martini is almost entirely gin; the vermouth is practically a garnish. (Yes, there is also such a thing as vodka martinis, but the way I see it why have a vodka martini when there’s perfectly good paint thinner you could be huffing.) When I make martini, I add the barest splash of dry vermouth, and no more.
I used to make Manhattans the same way; the barest splash of sweet vermouth, and no more. Except some bitters. And a cherry. Whatever. The point is I was making my Manhattans with barely any vermouth until I was discussing this technique with a friend of mine, who immediately shared his Knowledge of The Secret, and that following its precepts yields a superior Manhattan. I was skeptical at first, but the next time I made a Manhattan, I followed my friend’s advice to the letter. I haven’t looked back ever since.
This recipe requires that you get actually nice vermouth. If you’re on a budget and must choose whether to spring for nice vermouth or nice bourbon, spring for the nice vermouth. Assemble your bourbon, vermouth, and bitters, as well as a vessel for mixing. Add 3 parts bourbon and 2 parts vermouth. Eagle-eyed readers will notice that I included dry vermouth as an optional ingredient; this is because there are two types of Manhattans. The first type is the traditional Manhattan, which uses 2 parts exclusively sweet vermouth. The second type is called a Perfect Manhattan, in which the two parts of vermouth are divided evenly between dry and sweet vermouth. Therefore, if you choose to make a Perfect Manhattan, use 1 part sweet and 1 part dry vermouth. Both types are perfectly tasty, so I’d encourage you to experiment with the type you like best. I like both types more or less equally, and will choose which type to make according to my whims.
Add in a dash – and only a dash! – of your bitters to your mixing vessel, then add 3-5 ice cubes. Stir everything for 30-60 entire seconds – this will take longer than you think, so be patient – and then strain into whatever drinking glass you have on hand. If you are forced to mix your Manhattan in your mixing vessel, that’s fine, too. I’ve done far worse in my drinking days, and I’m guessing you have, too. Garnish with a maraschino cherry or two; a twist of lemon or orange peel may be substituted. Enjoy, but not for your lunch!
Week 9 NFL Confidence Pool
I gave myself the least ambitious recipe I could manage this week and still went long, so I must be brief. That sucks, because there’s a lot of confidence pool shop to talk; I had my best week of the season to date in Week 8 (yay!), but I’m unlikely to repeat this performance, as Week 9 is pretty much impossible to pick (boo!). None of this week’s matchups are clear-cut; even with few divisional games, there are no true mismatches unless you’re irrationally high on the Browns. Remember, go big on the better teams; the Saints and Chargers do have cupcake matches, but they can only be trusted so much.
Of course, I also have a whole phalanx of thoughts on Kirk Cousins’ season-ending Achilles injury, and the Vikings’ quarterback situation. I only have so much time to expand on these thoughts, but suffice to say, this sucks. I have not been a huge fan of Cousins during his Vikings tenure, but I can’t deny that he’s provided competence, and, now that the team has clawed its way back to 4-4, competence is probably all they need to get a Wild Card in a weak NFC.
And hell, they might not even need that much, and that’s what makes their situation interesting. Even after the Vikings traded for Josh Dobbs (a move I’m totally fine with, since they got him for cheap), I expect Jaren Hall to be given a real shot at winning the starting job. The team has every incentive to give Hall a real crack at it; their future at quarterback was already murky, and if Hall can be a viable starter, they will have lucked into an ideal situation. However, this is an unlikely outcome, and the Vikings will put in Dobbs eventually if Hall can’t play well enough to keep the Vikings In The Hunt, so to speak.
Dobbs and Hall strike me as two versions of the same guy. They’re both smart quarterbacks who know what they’re doing but can’t always execute well, although both can scramble and extend effectively. And, now that the Vikings’ pass protection appears to have un-fucked itself after a decade of below average performance, whoever is under center will be in a pretty good situation. Jordan Addison is The Truth, T.J. Hockenson is playing well, and while I don’t know when (or even if) to expect Justin Jefferson back, if he does come back whoever is throwing the ball will not want for weapons. They still can’t run the ball for shit, but no situation is perfect.
All of this is to say it sucks to lose Cousins, but the Vikings aren’t dead yet. The NFC Wild Card race is pathetic, the defense is playing well, and who knows? Maybe one of Hall or Dobbs can be good enough. And, even if they aren’t, they will be in better draft position to get a rookie QB to drop into a favorable offensive infrastructure. Accuse me of chugging the Purple Kool-Aid if you must, but I’m cautiously optimistic.
To the picks!
Week 8 Correct Picks: 12/16 (0.750)
Season Total Correct Picks: 90/122 (0.738)
Week 8 Points: 109/136 (0.801)
Season Total Points: 776/996 (0.779)
Bye: Broncos, Lions, 49ers, Jaguars
14 Points: Ravens over Seahawks
13 Points: Bengals over Bills
12 Points: Browns over Cardinals
11 Points: Eagles over Cowboys
10 Points: Chiefs* over Dolphins
This is what passes for double-digit assignments this week. The picks themselves are largely vibes-based, while the assignments put take the confidence part out of the confidence pool. I have serious questions about each and everyone one of these games.
The Ravens are playing well lately but will shock absolutely no one if they blow it. The Bengals looked like they’re back last week, and the Bills problems are well-documented, but this assignment is the epitome of vibes-based recency bias. The Browns’ defense should stomp Arizona into unrecognizable paste, but the offense can’t be trusted and Cardinals are at least making things interesting. The Eagles are the better team, but it’s a divisional matchup and the Cowboys have looked better since the 49ers blowout. I wouldn’t be sure who would win between the Chiefs and Dolphins under normal circumstances, and they’re playing in Frankfurt. I’m giving the edge to the Chiefs because I trust their offense to play just well enough, and trusting their much-improved defense to display minimal tolerance for Mike McDaniel’s window dressing. But again, this is vibes-based. Miami could absolutely shell them in the air repeatedly while Mahomes flounders.
9 Points: Steelers over Titans
8 Points: Chargers over Jets
7 Points: Saints over Bears
In a perfect world, I would be able to give more points to all three of these picks, but all three of these teams are on shaky ground. The Steelers’ offense is an abomination, so I’m betting on their defense making Will Levis’ life hell. If they can’t do that, I could very well be out 9 points. Good on the Chargers for whaling on Chicago last weekend, but you can’t convince me that the Jets can’t muck their offense, nor can you convince me the Chargers are now inured against choking. The Saints…Christ, what a mess. Make no mistake, I am not assigning 7 points to the Saints. I am assigning them against the Bears. That’s a stupid way to manage a pool but this slate leaves me with little alternative.
6 Points: Vikings over Falcons
5 Points: Patriots over Commanders
4 Points: Texans over Buccaneers
3 Points: Rams over Packers
2 Points: Panthers over Colts
1 Point: Raiders over Giants
For proof of this lack of better options, look no further than this week’s expansive Toilet Tier. Is 6 points on Minnesota blatant homerism? Perhaps, but consider how much trouble Brian Flores’ defense gave Kyle Shanahan a couple weeks ago, then imagine that same defense being put to work against Arthur Smith. The Patriots would never, ever deserve the pick – let alone 5 points – in any other game, but the Commanders sold at the deadline and Belichick is going to gouge out Sam Howell’s pancreas. The rest of these picks are pure intuition and vibes, arranged in descending order of perceived team quality. It’s all I got for this week.
Enjoy the games, everyone!
Rob Writes About Whatever 