First and foremost, I apologize a thousand times for writing this a week late and six days past its natural expiration date. I was dealing with my second particularly nasty cold in as many months, meaning I had no energy for using my spare time on work. Here then, for posterity if nothing else, are the final results of the Gross Football Lunch playoff confidence pool and picks after the big game:
Pool Points Won: 13
Pool Points Lost: 12
Differential: +1
Total Points Won: 126
Total Points Lost: 103
Total Differential: +23
Record Against the Spread: 0-1
Total Record Against the Spread: 6-6-1
The game itself is yesterday’s papers at this point, but I do think it was good reminder that a game does not need to either close or offensively-driven to be entertaining. The Eagles’ front four absolutely whooped that ass, and sometimes all you need to have fun watching this sport is the sight of eleven guys banding together to ruin a famous quarterback’s life. I picked the Chiefs because I didn’t think it was possible for Mahomes, in his current form, to be annihilated so thoroughly, and on some level I’m happy to be wrong.
The spectacle of this ass-kicking was so awe-inspiring, and its inevitability was so well hidden from me despite being so plainly obvious, that it reminded me of what the late, great Hunter S. Thompson, writing for ESPN.com’s celebrated but long defunct Page 2, had to say in advance of Super Bowl 37. And I quote:
“[T]he Oakland Raiders are serious in a different way…and they have everything they need in their arsenal: extreme speed, beautiful talent, smart coaching, preternaturally fine chemistry, and a rare level of individual intelligence among players … This is a high-class unit, exactly the kind of team you would buy for yourself if you wanted to win a Super Bowl. Tampa Bay’s chances of winning the game on Sunday are about one in 500. You’re welcome.”
-Hunter S. Thompson, The Last Super Bowl. Originally published January 20th, 2003; accessed February 17th, 2025.
The Bucs, of course, beat the absolute unholy horse-piss out of the Raiders in said Super Bowl, and for the most foreseeable and inevitable reason in the sport’s history. Bucs coach Jon Gruden designed the Raiders’ offense from the ground up; new Raiders coach Bill Callahan and new offensive coordinator Marc Trestman (lol) did not change a single thing about the offense after Gruden was traded to Tampa in a fit of pique that would prove to be Al Davis’ last blunder worthy of national attention. Gruden armed his already historically awesome defense with complete knowledge of every aspect of the Raiders’ offense, and they went into the game knowing it better than the Raiders did.
The Bucs’ victory was as inevitable as football victories can possibly be, and, as I read Thompson’s article for the first time about a decade ago, I couldn’t help but wonder how he didn’t see it coming. I do my very best to be charitable when interpreting the analysis of people writing without the benefit of hindsight, and yet I was baffled. Of course the Raiders were screwed, the opposing coach built the damn team! Pay attention, doc!
And, as I sat on the couch helpless as the magical non-logic that motivated my Chiefs pick melted before my eyes, I gained renewed sympathy for Thompson. The Eagles’ win was no less obvious; a quarterback with no one to throw to and no protection is doomed to crumble in front of an outstanding four-man rush backed by perfect coverage. I knew, on some level, that the Eagles were the better football team in every way that mattered. I just chose to ignore that. Oh well. Maybe next time I’ll see it coming.
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Finally, it’s time for some housekeeping. This is a reminder that there will be absolutely no off-season NFL posts in this space until the pre-season preview. Off-season NFL coverage can only make you lose perspective, and I admonish all of you to find some other way to spend your time.
I’m going to be taking some time off from writing; cramming in writing sessions with my limited free time ran me ragged this season, and I need to step away from the grind of blogging in order to recharge. I have two massive and unwieldy projects that I started last off-season and would like to finish and publish this off-season, but I cannot and will not promise I will do so. Keep an eye on this space, but not with any regularity.
Enjoy the off-season, everyone!
Rob Writes About Whatever 