"This recipe isn't meant to constitute a Gross Football Lunch all its own (although you absolutely could go to town on nothing but some black beans and come away full and happy); rather, this recipe is meant to serve as a foundational piece for whatever grease pile you can dream up that can benefit from having a pile of beans slopped on it."
"It sucks to lose Cousins, but the Vikings aren't dead yet. The NFC Wild Card race is pathetic, the defense is playing well, and who knows? Maybe one of Hall or Dobbs can be good enough...Accuse me of chugging the Purple Kool-Aid if you must, but I'm cautiously optimistic.
"This is where the Cobb Salad comes in. Look at all that stuff in the picture up there. Does that look healthy to you, in the strictest sense? (If the answer is yes, that's fine, but allow me to non-judgmentally suggest that you might not be eating enough vegetables at present.)"
"Is Costco pesto good in any real sense? Would those who Know Pesto consider it worthy of superlative, or even positive appraisal? Frankly, I suspect not...I couldn't say. What I can say is that it's almost certainly better than I could do, even with hours and hours of practice."
"My goal with this week's recipe is to provide you with a basic, easily modified method for nacho making. I've specified particular ingredients for the sake of convenience, but know that pretty much every ingredient in this recipe is fungible, and I encourage experimentation. If you have chips with melted cheese and other stuff on them, you have nachos!"
A good pile is fun, tasty, and vibrant. This week's Gross Football Lunch is absolutely, unashamedly, 100% a pile, but it's also everything a good pile should be. Come along, it's time to reject our snootier impulses and make a pile worthy of praise!
"Because I am nothing if not an enabler, just like your health teachers warned you about all throughout middle school, Gross Football Lunch exists to glorify and revel in this culture of wild over-consumption. Every week for the remainder of both the regular season and the playoffs, I'll be bringing you both my weekly Confidence Pool picks – the long beating heart of my NFL uh...'coverage' – as well as the Gross Football Lunch Recipe of the Week, so that, when you sit down for a whole day's slate of games every Sunday in the comfort and privacy of your own home, you can wreck your internals just as effectively as if you had rolled up to the stadium parking lot six hours early."
Zzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzzz Gah! How long was I out for!?Aw man, my neck is killing me. I need to get this thing limbered up, stat. I keep thinking I can still nap while putting my head on my desk, like it's freshman year study hall. My bones creak too much for that! I have to pay … Continue reading Gross Football Lunch Presents: The Enlightened Sports Fans’ Guide to the 2023 NFL Season
Sorry about that title, I just couldn't resist. It's not that I'm above the occasional terrible, well-worn pun – proper blog titles are the domain of compensated professionals, not understimulated poseurs such as myself – it's that there's been a lot of football news lately, and all of it has made it very difficult to … Continue reading The Superb Owl
This week got away from me, which means that I am compiling this column at the last minute with what little time I can spare for it, which means I must keep things brief. Suffice to say, I am in agreement with everyone that the Divisional Round was the best damn weekend of football I … Continue reading NFL Conference Championship PseudoColumn
Rob Writes About Whatever 