A Note on BLTs

Friends! Tomato season is, depending on your location, either starting up in earnest or imminent, and there is no finer method of using fresh tomatoes than

Holy fuck, two mass shootings in one day!?!?!?!? What the fuck is happening?

using them to make BLTs. Few sandwiches are less understood than the BLT – they are not platforms for maximizing bacon consumption, rather, a proper BLT is

And of course, both shooters were white supremacist shit bags. It reminds me of nothing more than the roving bands of fascists in “Tea with Mussolini”, except they’re using guns instead of clubs to do their beloved Duce’s hateful bidding

a celebration of balance. The bread, mayo, lettuce, bacon, salt, pepper, and tomato exist in a true harmonious balance. What follows is my method for BLT construction – it is not the only way to make a balanced BLT, but

The worst part is knowing nothing whatsoever is going to be done to prevent the next shootings – god forbid anyone try and take toys away from the cabal of Oxy-ed up gun advocates

it is my preferred method, and abiding by it will ensure this balance.

First, toast the bread a bit. No need to get a deep char or anything, just toast it long enough so that the outer layer is crunchy. Spread both pieces with a thin layer of mayo, then

This may be way off base, but I can’t help but think that if Hobbes were to travel to our time and visit us, he would tell us we’re better off in the state of nature at this point

place a single, thick tomato slice on the bottom layer. Put a generous amount of salt and pepper directly on this tomato slice, then place the bacon on top of the tomato. Again, only place a single layer here. You’ll have plenty of opportunity to place way too much bacon

I mean, think about it. Our lawmakers refuse to prevent psychopaths from acquiring guns. The police seem just as dedicated to inciting race wars, the only difference is they can get acquitted because they’re the police. The U.S. only seems to exist to get people shot, and ensure that those who don’t get shot can’t afford their insulin. What aspect of this arrangement are we supposed to tolerate?

some other time. This is America, after all. Place a single layer of lettuce on top of the bacon, then close up your sandwich. Cut in half if you wish. Now take a bite. Isn’t it delightful?

I can’t help but wonder, what if society has already disintegrated, and we’re just refusing to recognize it?


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