Gross Football Lunch – Week 11, 2024 NFL Season

Recipe of the Week: Oven Roasted Potatoes

I make this complaint now as a means of apologizing. This recipe is not mine. It’s merely my annotated spin on a recipe I found online about four years ago, and now cannot find again for the life of me. I do my best to abide by basic publishing ethics, and I take them seriously, so I am both frightened and annoyed that I can’t provide a proper citation. If you’re reading this and believe it to be based on your work, I apologize. Let me know how you want me to make it right.

With that said, it’s time to talk about potatoes. I am not a wizened knower of potato varieties. I know there are waxy potatoes and starchy potatoes, and that not every type of potato is appropriate for every method of cooking and preparation. I do not know which varieties of potatoes are waxy and which are starchy, and I do not have any in-depth knowledge of what cooking methods may or may not be appropriate for any given potato variety. All I know is that this recipe calls for baby gold or Yukon gold potatoes, and that using one of these potato varieties with this recipe will produce potatoes that are crispy on the outside, yet soft and buttery on the inside. I know further that you should not use Russet potatoes with this recipe; they will get so overcooked on the outside and so dissolved on the inside that they will all but disintegrate as you vainly attempt to dislodge them from your baking sheet.

Regardless of whether you use small baby golds or monstrous Yukons, you’re going to be doing the same steps in the same order, and roasting the potatoes at the same temperature. To that end, preheat your oven to 450° F. Next, rinse off your potatoes and pat them dry with a clean towel or paper towels. Grab your chef’s knife and start cutting your potatoes into approximately one inch pseudo-cubes. Do not confuse my invocation of fussy, precise measurements trick you into believing this is a fussy, precise task. All you’re doing is cutting up your potatoes in such a way that the resulting pieces are more or less the same size, give or take.

If you’re using baby golds, cut them in half; you may need to quarter some of the larger ones. If you’re using full size Yukons, first cut them in half lengthwise, then cut each half in half again lengthwise. Then, slicing at a perpendicular angle to the second cut, slice each potato quarter into four roughly equal sized pieces. Repeat with each potato until you have cut up about 1.5-2.5 pounds’ worth of them. (In my parts, baby golds are typically sold in 1.5-pound bags; this is the quantity represented in the picture above.) Those all seem like they’re about one inch on each side, more or less, right? Even if they’re a little bigger or smaller than that, they’re all more or less the same size, correct? If the answer to either of those questions is yes, that’s good enough.

Now dump your cut up potatoes into a large mixing bowl and add a large, borderline irresponsible amount of salt. Potatoes are salt sponges, and they absolutely require proper seasoning to taste good. It is very difficult to season them too aggressively, and all too easy to season them insufficiently, resulting in bland, flavorless wads of starch. Next, add several cracks of black pepper and the olive oil. Add a little bit of oil at a time and stir the potatoes around. Pay attention to how coated the pieces are getting as you stir, so that you don’t add too much oil (a little bit of excess oil is ok. Delicious, even). Keep stirring and adding oil until the potato cubes are coated and the seasonings are distributed.

You’ll notice that I am instructing you to season your potatoes with nothing more than salt and pepper when there are entire constellations of herbs and spices that go well with potatoes; surely it’s worth it to jazz these taters up with a little something extra, right? In fact, I experimented with doing just that several times over the years – roasting my spuds with paprika and cumin and oregano and garam masala and shallot and onion and onion powder and garlic powder and whole garlic cloves and on and on and on. What I found was that, while potatoes can thrive when place in a 450° degree oven for 40 minutes, almost every seasoning I used other than good old S&P was utterly annihilated in the roasting process. Fresh and dried flavorings alike were invariably burned to an acrid, ashy crisp. If you wish to experiment with other augmentations, please do so, but know that I have eschewed this things after years of failed experiments.

Once your oven is preheated and your potatoes are diced and seasoned, place them on a baking sheet in a single layer and put them on the middle rack. Set a timer for 20 minutes, and when it goes off, haul the potatoes out of the oven and move them around with a spatula. Resist the temptation to flip each and every individual potato cube in order to crisp each cube on all sides; it’s not worth the trouble. Just move them around a decent amount. Put them back in and set a 10 minute timer, and toss your cubes again after this timer goes off.

Set one final 10 minute timer. Your potatoes are done when these 10 minutes are up. Bring them out of the oven and allow them to cool a bit before serving. Notice how they are each coated in a thin crispy membrane that yields instantly when bit, revealing a smooth, buttery starch wad underneath. Recall that making potatoes this satisfying took almost no effort whatsoever, and that you can make these whenever you want as long as you have 45 minutes to go before eating time, most of which can be spent doing other things. Dig in!

Week 11 NFL Confidence Pool

Bye: Buccaneers, Cardinals, Giants, Panthers

You are once again given special dispensation to give the Vikings double digits, but if you are able to make assignments with a shred of sagacity you should already know that giving the Vikes max points is ridiculous. I did that last week and they gave me a good scare, one I wholeheartedly deserved. In an easier week, I wouldn’t give them 12, but this isn’t an easy week and this is a true mismatch in that I’d never consider picking the Titans. I probably shouldn’t give the Texans double digits under any circumstances, but the only reason the Cowboys have to feel good about themselves is that the Bears’ ongoing dumpster fire somehow managed to suck up more media oxygen than theirs. I’m not even sure they could beat the Giants, let alone a playoff team.

The Eagles get the nod in the purest coin flip in a week full of said. I guess the determining factor is, uh…experience? Unless you’re new here (and statistically speaking, you’re probably not), you are now fully aware that I enjoy picking against young QBs much more than I should, but hey, it worked last week, didn’t it? Speaking of deeply ingrained biases, I feel like only placing 6 on the Rams is remarkable restraint on my part. I’m still waiting for them to become truly good, but I’m losing the faith over here. But surely handling business against the Patriots isn’t too tall a task, right? The Ravens seem like they must be better than the Steelers, but they tend to lose in Pittsburgh whenever I pick them to win in Pittsburgh, so I’m not gonna. Yes, both teams are good, but this will be a tight one. Put more points on your chosen victor at your own peril.

Enjoy the games, everybody!