Gross Football Lunch – Week 13, 2024 NFL Season

Recipe of the Week: Cucumber Sandwich

From a tactical perspective, then, I feel it is unwise to provide direct Thanksgiving counsel. But, as I spent last week indulging my latent travel blogging tendency, I would be betraying the Gross Football Lunch spirit if I broke the format, yet again. Therefore, I am forced to conclude that my only tactically advisable option is to think laterally. What if there were a recipe that has no direct ties to Thanskgiving? What if that recipe was light and refreshing enough that it can serve as effective counter-programming to the week’s festivities, but also decadent enough that it can enhance the giddy hedonism of a long weekend of gorging? And what if, in this week of frantic and overwhelming kitchen projects, I could provide a recipe that’s so easy that preparing it hardly counts as work?

In other words, what if I told you how to make a cucumber sandwich?

First, grab two slices of bread and place them in your toaster. There is no correct or incorrect amount of bread toasting level inherent to the platonic form of the cucumber sandwich, so just toast it to your preferred level. While the toast is going, slice a cucumber into discs that are neither too thick nor too thin. If they are too thick, the stability of your sandwich will be compromised. If they are too thin, the resulting product will feel less like a proper sandwich and more like toast smeared in mayo and seasoned cucumber water. You may also peel the cucumber with a paring knife of vegetable peeler if you wish, but it’s hardly necessary.

Once your bread is toasted, spread both slices with a thin layer of mayo, the arrange your cucumber discs on one of the slices in as close to a single layer as you can manage. Some overlap is fine, however, it’s better to leave little gaps in between cucumber slices than cram as many slices on as possible and be left with an unstable sandwich. A cucumber sandwich is a balanced sandwich; too much of anything will upset this balance. That said, a sandwich this simple requires ample seasoning. Once your slices are arranged, sprinkle them with a generous amount of salt and cracked black pepper; it is possible to overdo the salt here (especially if you’re using table salt), but it is next to impossible to overdo the pepper. Crack vigorously and repeatedly! Once the salt and pepper is added, you may drizzle a light amount of olive oil over the top to add an extra microdose of fatty excess, but it’s not necessary.

Congratulations, your cucumber sandwich is complete! Have one for a light meal when you need to eat something but just can’t keep packing it in, or alongside a pound of leftovers, as a way of making said leftovers healthy. After all, this stack of bread and fat has vegetables in it, and that means it’s good for you! Dig in!

Week 13 NFL Confidence Pool

Gonna keep it short and sweet this week, because we are all busy. Enjoy the games, everybody! Happy Thanksgiving!