Recipe of the Week: Grilled Ham & Cheese Sandwich
Ingredients:
- Bread
- Mustard (Dijon or spicy brown mustard recommended)
- Deli ham
- Havarti cheese
- Mayo
- Pickles
Method & Analysis:
In keeping with my new found commitment to showing you variations on recipes you already know – one that just so happens to coincide with a period where I’m struggling to summon the time, energy, and ideas necessary to do otherwise – this week’s recipe is naught but a variation on my tuna melt recipe. We are grilling a cheese with some other stuff on it. Whereas making a proper tuna melt requires making a proper tuna salad, which in turn requires some extra time and several extra ingredients, this week’s recipe requires little more than slapping some stuff and spreading some other stuff onto slices of bread, then performing the easiest cooking task imaginable. Let’s get to it!
Haul your mustard out of your fridge, then grab two slices of bread and set them down face up. While I am leaving the choice of specific mustard variety up to you, I strongly urge to use either Dijon mustard or the very spiciest brown mustard you can find. This sandwich is fat on top of fat wedged between carbs fried in fat. It needs something to cut through all that rich fattiness, and this the exact situation where sharp, punchy mustard achieves its greatest glory. Spread an even but generous of your chosen mustard on both bread slices.
Next, grab a package of thinly sliced deli ham, as well as some Havarti cheese. Ideally, the cheese will also be deli sliced, but if you’re stuck with a block of the stuff, try and slice it as thinly as you can. Use your sharpest knife, keep your fingers clear of it, and do your best. Unlike a tuna melt, a grilled ham and cheese is a balanced sandwich. There must not be too much ham, nor too much cheese. We are striving to make a balanced, thin sandwich where the ham, cheese, and crisply fried bread are represented in roughly equal proportion. Also, if you’re an American like me, you’ve subjected yourself to enough mediocre ham and ham adjacent products to know that you don’t want to feature this stuff, exactly. It does in and only in a pinch, when providing the faint suggestion of real ham is good enough. Aim for a 1.25:1 ratio of ham to cheese, and do not overstuff your sandwich!
Finish assembling your sandwich, then spread a thin layer of mayo on the outside of the slice of bread nearest the cheese. Deploy your trusty frying pan and place it over medium heat. Once the pan has had a couple of minutes to heat up, place your sandwich in the pan, mayo side down. You should now be staring directly at a plain slice of bread; use this time to apply a similarly thin layer of mayo to this slice as well. Hang out for a few minutes while your sandwich fries, and flip it once the cheese becomes melty and starts oozing out and down the sides. Let your sandwich cook on the other side for a minute or two, so that the bread on that side can crisp up a little bit. Once this crispiness is achieved, remove your sandwich from the heat and serve it immediately.
But wait! Before you go to town on your hot ham and cheese, you must – must! – do one more thing. Open your fridge, grab a jar of pickles, and place a bare minimum of one full-sized dill pickle wedge or two full-length dill pickle slices on your plate. Mustard alone cannot cut the, erm, mustard in this sandwich. Dill pickles exist to provide acidic counter-punch to the fatty deli sandwiches of this world, but alas, grilling a sandwich with wet pickles inside of it will make everything soggy and weird. Your pickles must be presented externally. Once your pickles are deployed, it is time. Dig in!
Week 16 NFL Confidence Pool
Week 15 Correct Picks:11/16 (0.686)
Season Total Correct Picks: 148/224 (0.661)
Week 15 Points: 110/136 (0.809)
Season Total Points: 1,241/1,794 (0.692)
16 Points: Packers over Saints
15 Points: Bills over Patriots
14 Points: Lions over Bears
13 Points: Eagles over Commanders
12 Points: Vikings over Seahawks
Week 16 is heavy on division rivalry games, meaning that there is only one true mismatch in this slate. The Packers have become truly terrifying; Seattle is far away, but not too remote to prove an effective demonstration. I would never guarantee a blowout in a professional football game, but I have real trouble seeing the Saints put up much resistance. The Lions’ injury woes should concern everyone, but not this week. I really thought the Bears would benefit from a dead cat bounce after firing Eberfuls, but these Bears are not cats. They are pianos.
I still believe that the Vikings are real contenders, but I am not so arrogant as to believe them immune to losing a stupid game on the road. The Vikings are worth at least 13 this week if the Seahawks are stuck without Geno Smith, but it looks like he very well might play as I write this (it’s Wednesday morning at approximately 11 AM Eastern). If you have the luxury, consider stalling before turning your sheet in at the last possible minute, although I doubt the swooning Commanders have what it takes to upset the Eagles, so you should be safe either way. Perhaps spare yourself that kind anxiety, then, this time of year is stressful enough.
11 Points: Ravens over Steelers
10 Points: Broncos over Chargers
9 Points: Rams over Jets
8 Points: Bengals over Browns
7 Points: Buccaneers over Cowboys
6 Points: Cardinals over Panthers
5 Points: Texans over Chiefs
Saturday’s Ravens/Steelers tilt underscores just how dire of a situation this weekend’s slate of games presents. This is the only game being played this weekend that could possibly interest casual or neutral fans. The only reason to watch any other game that does not feature your favorite team is in order to avoid extended family members whose every utterance, if not mere presence, fills you with boiling rage. There are two possibilities as to how this happened. Those in charge of filling the schedule either couldn’t foresee a scenario in which the 49ers, Dolphins, Cowboys, Jets, Bengals, and Browns all had disappointing seasons, or they did foresee such a scenario and figured that more than enough people hated their relatives enough to watch anyway. One of these possibilities reflects wisdom and sound reasoning, the other does not. You get no points for guessing which is which.
I must acknowledge that 5 points is borderline disrespectful to both the Texans and Chiefs, even in their current, underwhelming iterations, but what are any of us to do here? I have no idea whether or not Mahomes will play and I don’t think I would even if I waited until Thursday afternoon to publish. Even if he does play, how confident can anyone be in the Chiefs right now? This team is 13-1 and is led by the best quarterback and head coach in the league, but they aren’t good at much of anything. Celebrating a two-score victory over the Browns is damning with faint praise. The Texans have more than enough problems all their own, but they are currently ranked first in ESPN’s pass rush win rate. They will ruin Carson Wentz’s life even more than Carson Wentz already has if Wentz is forced to start, and with an offensive line as bad as Kansas City’s, they have a chance even if Mahomes does take the field. Exercise extreme caution if you’re at all tempted to give this game more points than this.
4 Points: Falcons over Giants
3 Points: Colts over Titans
2 Points: 49ers over Dolphins
1 Point: Raiders over Jaguars
Time to get faded off of that nog and whip your Penix out, America! Am I right?
…
…
…
I’ll see myself out.
Before you go, please note that the Week 17 installment of Gross Football Lunch will be published the morning of Tuesday, December 24th. Enjoy the games, everybody!
Rob Writes About Whatever 