Surprise! After an extensive two month gustatory bender during which I consumed more sugar, alcohol, and rendered grease than I had for the entire sum of 2018 up to that point, I gained like, 10 pounds or so. That sounds about right, and is perhaps better than I deserve. Plus, now I live in the … Continue reading Do You Even Lift, Bro?

So uh, yeah, I was out of commission most of this week with all the holiday and family stuff. As a result, this post has no point in particular, but contains a desultory collection of thoughts that I'm writing down solely to get some more writing practice in. Enjoy, or don't. -I'm not sure how … Continue reading Grab Bag

  November and December are times of justifying nutritionally inadvisable courses of action. “I really shouldn't,” you think to yourself, as you ponder grabbing another slice of pie/heap of mashed potatoes/whole entire goddamn turkey leg. When you inevitably make the splurgy choice, and shove yet another over-sized wad of empty carbs and grease into your … Continue reading My Mom’s Turtle Bars

“Pay attention to me pay attention to me pay attention to me DON'T TOUCH ME” “This! This is the one place to which nasal Providence has guided me, and therefore is the one place worthy of receiving my excrement” “Do you mind? I'm busy licking my own piss off of my leg” “A bully stick? … Continue reading Dog Thoughts, Pt. 2

Here are two facts: Nachos are delicious, and nachos are easy as all hell to make. This post contains instructions for making nachos the way I typically do. It's not so much a recipe as such – recipes tend to have things like 'exact amounts of ingredients' and 'specific directions' and a whole bunch of … Continue reading Rob’s Nachos

Job hunting sucks. It sucks to do now, it sucked to do at all times prior to now, and it will suck in all possible futures. It is a process designed to maximize fear, self-consciousness, and indignity, as potential employers go on a Unicorn hunt to find the one true candidate who provides a maximal … Continue reading Job Hunting Sucks

Earlier today, the Minnesota Vikings announced the firing of offensive coordinator John DeFilippo after employing him in that capacity for all of 13 total games. While it may seem (and perhaps is) unfair to fire the guy after two consecutive bad road games in two notoriously difficult places to play, the entire rest of the … Continue reading Hype Is A Curse: A Preliminary Eulogy for the 2018 Minnesota Vikings

In a show of tremendous responsibility, I spent last night, a Monday, staying up to ungodly hours pounding beers, playing video games, and watching the Vikings suck. Now it is Tuesday, I haven't written anything since last week, I'm on five and a half hours of sleep, and I haven't had any coffee yet, because … Continue reading Blogging While Hungover: A Guide

Tom Billington, known to pro wrestling fans as the Dynamite Kid, passed away earlier this week. His influence on the craft of professional wrestling can scarcely be overstated. Neither can the toll his style took on his own body – Dynamite Kid was a pioneer of hard-hitting, high-flying wrestling, but he spent the last couple … Continue reading An Appreciation of Bret “The Hitman” Hart

2018 is ending, and, like countless years before it, all of my favorite websites are starting to put out their Best Albums of the Year lists. And, as happens every year, I find myself reading these lists and thinking to myself, “Holy shit, I consider myself a music lover, but I haven't listened to damn … Continue reading End of Year Musical Panic Attack