A couple of weeks ago, the Vikings lost to the Bears at home in the last game of the regular season. Had they won, they would have made the playoffs and thus earned the privilege of losing to the Bears again, but this time in the playoffs. Instead, they straight up fucking faceplanted, losing at … Continue reading The Vikings Still Suck: A Series of Grim Prognostications

I. Julia Child Cooks a Hamburger; Rob Loses His Fucking Mind Please refer to 4:09-6:41 of this video Getting drunk and watching cooking videos is one of life's simpler pleasures, and my wife and I threw the above video on late last night as we were in the process of passing out. Julia Child was … Continue reading Fuck It Friday Grab Bag

Recently, our dog Geordie La Forge (a/k/a Chief, a/k/a Senator, a/k/a Sneezy Boy, a/k/a Dipshit) came into possession of a squeaky hedgehog. The last time he had a squeaky hedgehog was the day we brought him home from the shelter, and he utterly destroyed the poor thing in less than 24 hours. There were bits … Continue reading On Dog Toys

Last week, I wrote and posted a long-ass article ranking all of Iron Maiden's albums. This was a passion project for me, and an article I had been planning to write since I started this blog. I worked on it for three days, I put a lot of pressure on myself to make it as … Continue reading Editor Needed

Correction: This article originally indicated that the song Sanctuary was included on all current versions of Iron Maiden's self-titled debut album, despite originally only getting released as a single. This is no longer the case, as the most recent remaster has restored the original track listing. This has been corrected. All 16 Iron Maiden Studio … Continue reading All 16 Iron Maiden Studio Albums, Ranked

Surprise! After an extensive two month gustatory bender during which I consumed more sugar, alcohol, and rendered grease than I had for the entire sum of 2018 up to that point, I gained like, 10 pounds or so. That sounds about right, and is perhaps better than I deserve. Plus, now I live in the … Continue reading Do You Even Lift, Bro?

So uh, yeah, I was out of commission most of this week with all the holiday and family stuff. As a result, this post has no point in particular, but contains a desultory collection of thoughts that I'm writing down solely to get some more writing practice in. Enjoy, or don't. -I'm not sure how … Continue reading Grab Bag

  November and December are times of justifying nutritionally inadvisable courses of action. “I really shouldn't,” you think to yourself, as you ponder grabbing another slice of pie/heap of mashed potatoes/whole entire goddamn turkey leg. When you inevitably make the splurgy choice, and shove yet another over-sized wad of empty carbs and grease into your … Continue reading My Mom’s Turtle Bars

“Pay attention to me pay attention to me pay attention to me DON'T TOUCH ME” “This! This is the one place to which nasal Providence has guided me, and therefore is the one place worthy of receiving my excrement” “Do you mind? I'm busy licking my own piss off of my leg” “A bully stick? … Continue reading Dog Thoughts, Pt. 2

Here are two facts: Nachos are delicious, and nachos are easy as all hell to make. This post contains instructions for making nachos the way I typically do. It's not so much a recipe as such – recipes tend to have things like 'exact amounts of ingredients' and 'specific directions' and a whole bunch of … Continue reading Rob’s Nachos